Middle aged gay men
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Not quite ready to brave the needle, I opted for a HydraFacial instead.
But wait…there’s more! When cancer stole her a few years later, I was left with two young children to raise. I know not all coming-out stories are like this, which makes me especially grateful for my positive experience.
Dating in this brave, new world of the internet was not what I was expecting
As a newly minted gay man, I wanted to experience dating as a 20-something twink, but I was a 55-year-old trapped in a dad bod.
“Build your own, and watch who shows up.”
4. You made friends. The community you’re looking for is also looking for you.”
🔸 Action Steps to Start:
Host a simple potluck dinner
Create a local WhatsApp group
Schedule regular coffee dates
Join existing LGBTQ+ senior programs
Start a walking group or movie night
2.
I realized if I died too young, like my first wife, I'd leave this planet never having lived my life as I was meant to. Underneath the boredom or light depression is a rich world of feelings and a new vision waiting to be discovered.
For most men, the first half of life is about building a life and building the world.
“Our bodies, our desires, our fears. But it’s always on our terms.”
The Ripple Effect:
When my clients start creating their own rules, remarkable transformations happen:
James, 71, turned his “Sensual Sundays” into a 15-member strong intimacy collective
Michael, 68, hosts monthly “Connection Dinners” that have sparked three committed relationships
Their approaches are being adopted by LGBTQ+ centers across their respective countries
Why This Matters More Than Ever:
Our community faces a unique challenge: dating spaces weren’t designed for mature men seeking genuine connections.
But that’s exactly why we need to create our own.
Think about what we bring to intimacy:
Emotional wisdom from decades of relationships
Freedom from performance pressure
Clear understanding of what we want
Courage to ask for it directly
Ability to blend friendship and romance
This isn’t just dating — it’s revolutionary.
Success Story: The Thursday Group
When David, 70, started his weekly gathering: “I was tired of feeling invisible on apps,” he says.
Write Your Own Rules of Engagement
Meet Alan, 65, former chef turned intimacy revolutionary.
“I spent thirty years trying to fit into the gay scene’s definition of sex. It’s a win-win for them, a win-win for us.
“Old gays are really no different than younger gays,” he added.
Well said.
JUMOL ROYES is IN Magazine’s director of communications and community engagement, a GTA-based storyteller and glass-half-full kinda guy.
“So I created a space where our bodies’ changes are treated as opportunities, not obstacles.”
The results transformed lives:
Started with gentle touch workshops
Expanded to weekly movement classes
Developed new intimacy techniques
Created partnerships with healthcare providers
Pro Tip: “Your body isn’t betraying you,” Mark tells his students.
I'm still learning, still exploring, still figuring it all out, but I'm doing so unburdened and authentically me.
Partnered or not, you’d be hard-pressed to find many gay men who are willing to talk openly about the feelings of loneliness they wrestle with as they age.
The early days of the HIV epidemic played a pivotal role in gay culture’s current obsession with physical appearance. Some ideas:
- Read books like “Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life” by James Hollis.
- Spend more time alone, without the internet, and start journaling and asking yourself questions.
- Stay open to the idea that this time, the answer might be closer to “being” rather than “doing”.
- Work with an LGBTQ therapist who is over the age of 50.
- Catch yourself when you find that you are running from sticky questions like “what am I experiencing, what am I afraid of, what’s important to me, or what if I can’t find anything inside?” Then gently bring yourself back to curiosity.
If you are willing go towards the discomfort and sit with it, on the other side you will find renewal, hope, and excitement.
For those of you who have already been on this drive, please share on the blog what you found down the road.